Boy do I love good business humor. Here are some under-appreciated favorites that really haven’t made the rounds to my satisfaction. Add your favorite business humor in the comments!
CEO’s Success Credited To Unbelievable Handshake
“Garrett Maddox, born to a working-class family living on the South Side of Chicago, started out at the bottom, but has quickly worked his way up the corporate ladder. A youthful 34, he was recently named chief executive officer of telecommunications-research giant Qualcomm, and has already headed up 11 Fortune 500 companies, ranging from Safeco Insurance to United Technologies. The key to his outstanding success? An unbelievable handshake…
With one of the most powerful and confidence-inspiring grips in the world, he pursued his life’s goal: the acquisition of material power and wealth on an almost unimaginable scale.”
Executive Presents PowerPoint Eulogy at Mother’s Funeral
“A corporate affairs manager from a leading Sydney company yesterday delivered a moving presentation at his mother’s funeral, utilising the many features of Microsoft’s PowerPoint software…
He spoke lovingly of his mother’s varied passions and interests, represented clearly by an animated pie graph.”
“So I’m in the meeting: we’re discussing the state of our market and I get asked the question: Why enter this market now? Why not wait until there are 4 or 5 competitors and a couple of major analysts covering your market? The preamble by the questioner was along the lines of “we agree with your market premise – that what you’re doing is where the market will go – and we agree that you’re first in the market – and we love the team”. My answer is well – it’s “venture” capital isn’t it? I mean – it’s not “everything’s assured” capital is it? This is our profession is it not? You’re the venture investor and I’m the risk-taking entrepreneur. We form a symbiotic relationship that in the best circumstances rewards our risk taking. I mean this isn’t Government Bonds Capital right?”
”Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman’s bikini around the office? Brasky tears off my clothes and makes me wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing a woman’s bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily. But at the end of the quarter, I’ll be damned if my sales hadn’t tripled.”
Special Bonus: Computer Nerd Humor
“[This is a comic strip folks]
Linus: Ha ha, the chair that Steve Ballmer threw when he heard of Kai-Fu Lee’s move to Google is up for sale on eBay.
Raymond: I heard Bill Gates had an aide throw one for him too.
Linus: I heard Ballmer said Google murders babies.
Raymond: I guess he’s getting them mixed up with Nestle.”